the defence.
"It is written". It has been almost two months since I have written anything. February 15 of this year I defended my PhD in the most beautiful, affirming and inspiring fashion. With so much love, positivity and commitment. My committee, and my supervisor in particular always made me feel confident but my external examiner truly set the tone for what came of that day. I passed with the best possible outcome, it truly was a dream. And it came on the heels of some of the most confusing and blurred days of my life. In the weeks leading up to the defence, I was making calls and promises for my Dad. Every. Single. Day. And I got so consumed, so quickly and so impossibly. I couldn't see a way out, and I couldn't stop falling deeper. But I had no choice but to show up. To keep my promises. To myself. To my supervisors. To my friends. To my family. To my subjects. To my study. And so I did. And I was elated when it was done. Dr Ticku. It happened. Finally. After all these years, after all the tears and setbacks and obstacles. I did not just exist, I was made to persist and finally to triumph. I have too many people to thank. When people asked me "how does it feel?" I didn't know what to say in the days right after. I was happy I think, but it hadn't hit me yet... but it has started now and that explains my absence. I didn't have much to say because I've been busy living... and loving... reflecting... taking stock... this time last year I was paralyzed in fear and panic, suffering through a painful set of realizations... I never imagined a year later this is where I would be... so back to now, I found this print last week as I busied myself rearranging and refreshing my home. My obsession with colour and light and ordaining my family space with beautiful affirmations of life, both the painful and the beautiful... something I very much needed. The feeling of being 'done' is absolutely like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders, I feel proud and humbled, I feel motivated and peaceful in a way I haven't felt in a long time... or ever.